Holy hell, I’m scared

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Okay, what?

Why am I scared?

This is an example of the thoughts I have almost daily, and sometimes they’re difficult to recognize. I don’t always know when I’m scared, and sometimes it pops up as anxiety.

And lately, I’ve been really anxious.

See, things are going well for me right now. Like–really well. I have no complaints, I am floating in and out of big moments of just sheer bliss and I am more “me” than I think I have been since before puberty.

But that’s the catch. Things are going well. So with my previous experiences, things going well always equals things-will-soon-go-to-sh!t.

I have better friends than I could ever ask for, my grades have all gone up, I am working at my dream job, and I have food, money, and enough time left over to enjoy myself.

Still, I worry.

What I am recognizing though is that fear is an essential part of the human experience. It’s natural and biologically essential to survival.

Life is not about quashing fear and hiding it, ignoring the effects it has on us and trying to do the opposite. Life is about learning to sit in fear, feel it, acknowledge its existence and move forward based on our observations.

Our emotions, much like people themselves, yearn to be seen, heard, and felt. They deserve just as much recognition as external influences do and magic happens in every aspect of our personal lives when we can honor and respect our emotions instead of stifling them.

As for fear? I’m learning to jump. Jump head-on into those things that scare me. I am continuously learning to sit in the present rather than worry about the future and be thankful right here and right now for the things I have.

 

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