I don’t consider myself a person that says “sorry,” a lot. Not that it’s not in my vocabulary, I just try not to overuse a word which is grossly overused in today’s society. I want my apologies to be genuine when I issue them. Not just a part of my everyday vernacular.
But I started it again.
I realized that every time I overstepped some invisible boundary I thought existed, or I acted as myself I wanted to apologize for it. And as a result, I literally wanted to rip my own head off.
You might think I’m being dramatic (I’ve told you before my family used to call me ‘Drammadica’ so this isn’t a new trait) but I get so infuriated that somewhere along the line I was conditioned to apologize for being myself.
I’ve always been… a lot. I’m loud, I’m very talkative, and if I’ve drunk champagne those tend to be amplified ten fold.
I’ve always told exclusively weird jokes and I have a lot of fun telling stories. I get excited over small things and tend to exaggerate sometimes. I whip my head around in the car when I’m listening to my favorite music and I have funny hand gestures to go along with all of my dance moves.
And that is simply too much for many people—but instead of apologizing I need to realize IT’S WHATEVER. Like literally, it is no big deal.
I believe it’s human nature to want to be liked and accepted, and for my entire life I have felt neither by the majority of my peers (hence why I have like maybe four friends.) But instead of blowing my weird tendencies way out of proportion and calling attention to them by frequently apologizing from now on I will continuously live as unapologetically as possible.
Life is too short to care whether someone thinks you’re weird or not.
After all… we’re all mad here.